giving up.

i dont give a shit anymore. y shud i? no1 seems to care, except robert. no1 actually understands, i think im going insane. i care too much, it hurts too much. its an addiction. and its not fair. i'm just havin a v.crap day tbh. i'll be fine tomorrow i hope. im just not v.lucky.

Listening to babies laugh on youtube (; as yoo do

Runescape is funny, nd confusing, i mean, its so cruel to rats. Is fun tho, even tho it took me ages to do the tutorial, with help from my gd m8 Rob of course. Txted him for lyk god knows how many hours yesterday. Now he has gone to fix dishwasher, obv. Been listening to Muse nd Kasabian. Moonpig.com. I love the rice crispie adverts- wonderfully simple. AND I REALLY WANT THOSE RICE CRISPIE SQUARES_ TTLY CHOCOLATELY. I love gossip girl. Helped do the cows on the farm this morning, had to help the rabid cow hav its eye drops, its sooo demonic nd dangerous.

How come i cant watch love films/tv progs without getting all sentimental nd thinking of a certain someone? I get jealous wen the actors/actresses kiss. I miss him so much. It's just so hard to function without him.

AAAHHH CHUCK BASSS

Me and you do the kind of stuff that only prince would sing about..

Liam is the most awesome freerunner i know, he also eats 20ps wen u shove them in his mouth. He share minstrels and COOKIESSSS- i hav plaited hair. Purple recycled polyester braceets. does anyone wna lend me 150 smackers? I hav new amazing grey cardigan nd hat nd matching gloves- v.fit emma lovess. Played out wiv emma- played THE game. poor children 4t i was smoking- i just lyk to pretend to smoke candy sticks- they shout "WOT U LOOKING AT??" actually my dear CHILD, i was looking at the tree, in the distance, which happened to be behind u somewhat. Liam hugged me. Twice. I cried. Thrice. 'Just put ur hands down my pants nd i'll bet u'll feel nutsss'. I'm gna join the cadets, nd not run round libary in the ACTS OF PARLIAMENT section- trying to pretend i belong there. Stopss reading my bloggsss liaaammm. nuh. (red is liam typing, blood red is his fav colour you see) shuddup :) orite butt just cos u dnt kno the alphabet

i wud make an awesome pornstar

Some ppl want to fill the world wiv silly love songs....

Quite a gd day. Continued to plan planz wiv rob on the phone, nd saw the new co-op- interesting.... Feeling really guilty, nd now no1 is answering robs house phone.

Went bra shopping wiv Liam, we argued bout England nd Wales (hes welsh you see) nd after looking at all the bras, we picked two, one of them wasnt the one he recommended, but that another story. then we bought tights. nd he bought me a cookie from millies cookies (yummy) we get along now, he used to pretend to spit on me, nd i wud just glare at him. but now we play fight nd shake hands lyk dudes nd i play wiv his massive penknife, it has a saw nd everything!!!!

Its harder than u wud think to get the niumber of a prositute, u cant get it off google or the yellow pages (pages are actually yellow) if ur wondering y, i was giving someone my number who i didnt want to give my actual number to. thats why.

nd i thought my life was normal, that i was a normal fourteen yearold. didnt last for long.

i hav new ways of handling myanger nd frustration.

its quite, interesting.

i suddenly feel a strange detachment. its weird, probably only temporary. meh. i dont really care tbh.

naaah liam keeps tickling me. eeeh. nd teasing me wiv spiders. tat arent actually theere.

cant wait to get bak to skl, seeing every1 on a regular basis, without having to organise everything.

3 sexiest voices- in no order

1. ed westwick as chuck bass- "i'm chuck bass"
2. Jack Norrrishh- as himselfff
3. Liam- freaky welsh man, wiv only lush accent.

I love my friends :) xxx

im so happy now, gd tyms... my little pony..... now the piccy comments :) ellen nd her penis obsession. jess nd the song of kwlness. grace...wendy....

just a dedication to you guys :)

ILY XXXX

My old friend is back.

im depressed agen. for more terrible reasons.
and im ill. im naseous nd hav massive headache.
thighs still hurt lyk fuck.
can't stop crying.
v.hormonal.
its easy to set me off.
lyk a time bomb.
tick tick tick.

nothing hardly ever goes ryt for me.

A smile's a frown turned upside down...

Busy busy busy, painted and managed to get paint splatters al over my arms, chest, face, hair and knees. Also on my fav pjammies-my simpsons ones, so i took it off nd painted in my underwear. wud of done it naked but sophie was walkiing around.

I'm painting.... And i'm naked!!!!

I havent even had a chance to eat any cheesecake or those dodgy cookie rocks i made which are rather scrumptious. Messing about on the new (for me) powerpoint. I make powerpoints of cute ppl, lyk Ed Westwick nd Bradley James (they're so lush!!!) nd cats cats cats.

Slept rd Nikki's thursday nyt, twas awesum, we learnt things too- dnt take the piss outta ppl- its mean. Talkin' lyk pirates. Took loadsa awesome pics which looked amazing. Went bed/ sleep bout 3ish. We watched Charlie nd the chocolate factory (made us hungry), Shrek 3- which i hadnt seen b4, nd i can really relate to Donkey- Annoying, talkative nd an ass. Then we watched Moulin Rouge, i didnt notice the tears rolling down my cheeks at first, such a sad film. Had a little magical dwinky ;)))) In the morning watched Atonement- cried a wee bit at Dunkirk bit. I curled Nikki's hair nd she looked gorgeous- as she is :D nd i had straight hair.Then i saw Jack- ate supernoodles.

Kiss kiss bang bang <3

I must learn to keep my mouth shut- so i dont hurt ppl. Make, break- hate it soooo much, im soo weak. Take it tooo far.But then, im too nice nd forgiving- then im in a big shitty hole with no ladder, not literally speaking obviously.

My thighs hurt lyk pure fuck. So i listen to David Bowie. This mornign i kept crying for no reasons- i was just so so sad. It was so random nd depressing- nd i wud lyk to think im happier now overall. then i bleed. nd i didnt even touch my wrists, i dnt think so.

Half cat scratches . Half my own bloody doing.

I may go into a depressed hibernation.

I hav to go now, going to farm- which is a great place to startr.

I made it through the rain!!!!!!

Few confessions to make.

1. I'm listening to the Jonas Brothers on Spotify nd i'm not regretting the decision, they r actually rather gd tbh.
2. I hav finally realised that i'm weird, ppl hav been telling me all along, but i never realised until last nyt.
3. I hav cheated, stoled nd lied. Wotcha gna do 'bout it sucka? ;D

Eating coco pops for breakfeast, probs better than yesterdays, i had dominoes pizza, which i also had to for t on tuesday nd t yesterday, actually it was more of lunch/t, lyk afternoon tea, because twas my uncle's bday nd we ate outside.

WOOO!!!!!!!!! JONAS BROTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ffs just wake up nd bloody call me.

I love my friends, they complete me, tho i am not whole yet :S they support me, i cud trust them with my life, nd i'm so glad i've finally determinedd the gd friends from the bad (not that i'm naming any names........) gna makee a list, 10 ppl i (probably) culdnt live without nd why.

1. Jack Norrish- God knows wot i'd do without him, he makes life worth it, basically.
2. Nikki Swain- Best mate evvvvaaa nd if i had a sister i got on wiv, it wud be her.
3. Cameron O'Ware- One word. Jizz.
4. Robert Kendrew- He is my rock nd maths buddy :)
5. Jack Stevens- We bonded by our love for muse. hahaha. :P
6. Emma- She understands me so well, it sumtimes scares me. Bma
7. Obv, Zippy- She is my queen. Gorgeous cat.
8. Obv, Murphy- He's my baby nd i love him so much.
9. Mark- Wen we aint fighting, he can be really sweet.
10. Mum- As much as she bloody annoys me, who else is gna embarass ne nd buy me stuff? :P

i lyk making lists, 5 things (objects i culdnt live without)

1. my phone- calls nd txts :D i'd be hopeless without
2. computer- fb has screwed up, so i just need it to blog :)
3. i-pod- musics :) <3
4. my cats, kitties cos they r beautiful nd i lv 'em.
5. books, especially the twilight series.

ryt, i better go, i hav to call sum1..... nd its tym i did my make up nd got dressed.

It is possible that the one thing that can save you, can also break you?

Drinking wine and coke doesnt help wiv flu, neither does vodka tbh.

Painting is quite theraputic. Did it for a while, nd the swish swish of the paintbrush nd the whoosh whoosh of the roller are kinda soothing. Done the downstairs cloakroom in orange nd ivory, then bedroom in 'prom night' violet/purple with bright orange windowsill. is amazing.

My master, of blogging, tells me i shud reflect on sumfin. But wot is there to reflect on? My abosulate inability to function without screwing up. Cant seem to control my movement. Or what comes out my mouth. I annoy myself so much. I am unique. Sometimes for the good, but mostly for the worst, i dnt hav much self control, which is an understatament.

Maybe i shud get it over with and fuck you. arsehole. fucking fucking cat man. whoever u r. leave me alone. fuckin stalker. fucking stalker man.

Master says i make list.
So....
things i hav learnt in my lyf of 14 years, 9 months nd 11 days (ha! just worked it out)

1. Never trust a guy with a handlebar moustache.
2. Zippy, my kitty, looks great wiv a golden egg.
3. Never go out wiv midgets, or gingers, or rapists, or drug addicts.
4. Always look when u cross the road.
5. Being late is bad.
6. Steps nd Blue r bands that i will always love.
7. Murphy is bad, he tries to climb in my hot bath.
8. Never share baths with dogs.
9. Old ladies, especially ones u r involved with, smacking ur arse is not ryt.
10. Going out with two guys (especially midgets) in the same day is unacceptable.
11. Ed Westwick is hot.
12. As is Robert Pattirson.
13. Habbo hotel is confusing
14. So is the myspace profile pic thing.
15. Never wear too big tankinis to go swimming.
16. You cannot make someone love you, all you can do is stalk them nd hope they panic nd give in.
17. Borats swimming costume is not considered sexy.
18. You can get by on charm for at maximum 15 mins, after that, you better hav big boobs or a large penis.
19. Fat man dont float, at least, that one didnt.
20. America is better than England.
21. John Barrowman is amazing.
22. It doesnt matter how much you care, some ppl just dnt care about you.
23. Never become addicted to an inaimate object.
24. Hello kitty is just the best.
25. Jack Norrish is the greatest, most gorgeous nd loving boyfriend you cud ever ask or pay for.
26. Either you control your attitude, or it controls you.
27. Some blondes are actually bimbos, and complete bitches too.
28. Lies always, no, nearly always, catches up on you.
29. Shoes made out of stamps r so kwl.
30. How to make a fruit salad nd curries.
31. Welsh accents r sexy.
32. Well, my friend Liam's accent is extremely sexy. wow
33. Getting drunk at family parties is not a gd idea.
34. Neither is making friends wiv cars.
35. How to make bird calls.
36. How to swim.
37. How to waltz.
38. Never prank call ur nan, she will eat you. twice.
39. Twilight shud be real. But isnt.
40. Babies r pretty, but scary.
41. Jaws isnt real.
42. But fairies are.

(All of the above are things i hav actually learnt nd r actually true, nd if u dont believe, then y the fuck r u even reading my blog??? Arsehole.

Keys, cash, condoms. Friggin hell, spotify scares me.

www.30daysofffashionandbeauty.co.uk wow.

listening aiden, seems i'm back in love wiv them agen. lol.

went rd jacks today, then he wcame rd mine, seems he has an 'me shoulder fetish' once he gets his interwebs back, he'll probs blogs 'bouts 'em, they is thats greatness.

and thats all we need now, to die romantic.

ohh now im listening to britney, oops i did it agen.

and now, ive finally learnt wot a scroetum was :D

nd i love david bowie.


there are only two men i want to marry. jack norrish or ed westwick, oh nd probs rob patz, but he isnt ed westwick, or chuck bass, so probs not now i fink about it. but i dnt lyk the surname westwick, so ill have to make do wiv jack ;) he's the best anyways.

i hope you dnt mind, i hope u dnt mind, that i out down in words, how wonderful life is now you're in the world.

Grandpa knows all. Grandma knows more. Liam knows nuffin.

• Someone i love- Jack Norrish <3
• Someone i have known for a v.long tym-Wendy Mullaney
• Somebody i would like to say sorry to- Alex Kellis
• Somebody who made me realise something important- Jack Norrish
• Somebody thats lyk a brother to me- Robert Kendrew
• Somebody i cannot imagine life without- Jack Norrish
• Somebody who means a lot to me- Nikki Swain
• Somebody i think about a lot-Jack Norrish
• Somebody thats lyk a sister to me- Emma Morgan
• Somebody who knows me better than anybody else- Jack Stevens
• Somebody i miss- Zoe Collier
• Somebody who changed me- Dan Apps
• Somebody i truely trust- Emma Morgan
• A childhood friend- Grace Philips
• Somebody who will never be forgotten- Cameron O'ware
• Somebody i wish i saw more- Ellen Renolyds
• Someone who has helped me through a tough time- Jack Stevens
• Somebody that puts a smile on my face- Cameron O'ware
• My baby- Murphy ze cat
• My angel- Zippy ze cat
• My twin- Nikki Swain
• My brow- Jazib Hussain- mono :D
• My sis- Sophie Hardwick, literally.

Interesting week, to say the least, nd im so tired. but need to get out, cant be stuck in the house any more than usual, i actually have no idea wot im saying. had pretty scary dreams- hate it wen pppl blank me in dreams. i hav a fit outfit- tweety bird pjammies. indeed.

tbh, to be v.v.v.v.v.v.frank,i hav really bad pmt. last nyt, i was sooo friggin annoyed that wen ther was a spideron the curtain beside my bed, i didnt scream or run, i just tutted nd folded curtain over, as to continue reading my book. washing machine sounds annoy me. i need sum fun.

im worried.

im scared.

ppl r disappearing.

im lonely.

i miss everyone.

tho its only been a short while for some.

most of all, i miss jack :( its really weird not having him here, as he has slept rd a couple of nights , now i just feel mincomplete, lyk the best part of me is missing. i hope he feels better. i love yoooo xxxxxxxxxxx

The lizard was just SOOOOOOO interesting, thenur mum nd dad must of been doing it... (Kevin nd Perry Go Large)

watching kevin nd perry
"i am not ur slave!!!"
eatin mccoys- man crisps .... <@_@>


had an emotional few says, leave me alone nd i'll just cry, it kinda sucks. dnt trust myself after so long. i shud saty away, but i cnt. in way too deep. its lyk a wound, cut deeply- emptying my emotionally. i am drained, so it wud seem, but it seems lyk im addicted. lyk a drug, it feels so gd nd i never want to let go. ive changed so much.

meh. i can cope. ill be fine. i can deal wiv myself. by myself.

i love raving suitcases. nd beaches.

woman of looseness.

hello kitty.
wow. fetish.

Gertrude is an enigma. Gertrude has no face.

Me nd Mark r rocking out to ac dc nd guns n roses :D

Other day, me nd Emma got raped by wasps, getting high on strawberry laces.
Then me nd Jack played raving rabbids nd i was awesum drummer (:

Tuesday me nd Cam's innocense stolen by old man, we followed him, danced in woodland then he stole it.... then we stand on the hill, chick chick chick chick chicken lay a little egg for me, cos indeed it was, half past three.

Jack finks im crazy, cos i talk to fings tat dnt existence, for the record- Gertrude does existence. Gertrude will bite your ankles nd your toes then you will cry nd it will be funny.

Jack jizzes over butterflies and hurricanes (remixed with added guitar, full length)

Jack is here, and im a greb. Thats bout it.

Why can't she just text like a normal person??

Ooooh debriefing.... "though i'm more of a boxers kinda guy"

I wish my Grandma wud teach me how to kill a chicken.

Not been back from church an hour, i got out-done by german kid- she was 13, cud play organ realli well nd was taller than me!!!!!!!!!! :O outrageous***

Im wearing- Blue checked shirt, purple rara skirt, black boloro, black shoes, black bow stockings, beads nd big blue hoops- i look kinda awesome!!!!!!!!! (curly hair too)

don't really know wot to say, wna do question fingyssss


Goals for this year?
-Um dno really, just to hav fun nd achieve.
Goals in life?
-To get married to the guy i love nd have a gr8, fulfilling lyf.
Are you close with your family?
-Meh, not really.
Have you gotten in a fight?
-yerrrrh
Have you been beaten up?
-yes :/
By whom?
-Sister, nd this random person i dnt realli kno.
Whats your favorite color?
-orange or purple
Do you like to watch sports?
-god no
Whos your favorite team?
-does england count? :S
Do you like to drink?
-milkshake.... pimms.... (lmao)
Whats your favorite alcohlic drink?
-beer enit :D
Do you do any drugs?
-no!!!!!!!
How long have you been sober?
-errr, i'd rather not say
Who was the last person that kissed you?
-Jack :)
Are you in a relationship?
-yes :D
When do you want to get married?
-soon as poss
To whom?
-jack (<3)
Whats your best feature?
-um probs my boobs, but i also lyk my eyes
Whats your worst feature?
-my massive nose nd fatness
Whats one thing you want to change about yourself?
-nose size nd i wna be fit nd toned
Is it possible?
-yh plastic surgery nd excersise