Once upon a time......

The farm.

You would suppose that farms were idyllic, peaceful places. horses grazing, fluffy sheep sweet little chickens nd cows dolefully chewing grass.

It is not lyk that.

Not lyk that at all.

Me, mum and Mark crept around the orchard, because otherwise the cow would attack us because she thinks we are after her calves. (we're not after her calves btw) all the duck/geese/chickens were in their sheds ready to be locked up for the night. but henry (king goose, evil, i have a scar on my bum from where he bit me) nd the muscovy duck were in each others sheds. but me nd mum thought no worries! wot difference does it make?

two minutes later, we heard strange noises from the shed the muscovy duck was in, truns out he ws um, harassing the two lady geese, in a sexual manner. have you every seen or heard a horny duck? he was panting nd everything. i shooed him out, he was all horny lyk, nd i was scared he wud turn on me. he even tried it on with sitting duck :O

now he was out, that meant we had to swap him with henry. we culdnt put him in with henry. cos henry wud of beaten him up, its an alpha male thing, like with lions- he is the young, randy male nd henry is the boss, the pimp, teh KING. the problem was, henry is a problem to herd places. (he had a tough childhood you see). so when we did, he went the wrong way towards the other shed nd mark squealed nd threw metal wiry stuff at him, in his small childs panic.

eventually, we got henry in. then i poked him on the bum (because he is THAT fit, alan doesnt understood y i called henry fit this morning either) he went a bit crazy, so we left him to have his bgf (bitch goose fit) we herded the randy duck into the other shed (his rightful shed tbh) nd tayed a while to make sure he didnt (rape as i put it) yano, do 'things' to the other geese, ducks woteva they are. he didnt. i suggested that the geese/duck/woteva were lesibeans. mum found this amusant.

to conclude, life on the farm is not all it seem, calves do chase chinky, mad cats (i love lucy) and foreign ducsk do sexually harass geese, nd perhaps other waterfowl. right, cheerio, im off to play bonshon, ze biscuits may not be here, but we will playu in their honour.